It’s been a year since I was let go from the company I had worked for since I gradated from college. Before college, if you count my summer internship. It’s been an interesting year. After three months of job interviewing, I started freelancing at a magazine. I was offered a job at a start-up and then offered a second job when I informed the magazine. I picked one of those jobs and have been working since. But this post isn’t about what has happened in the last year. It’s about what happened the day I was let go.

Now, let me preface, this is not a “this is my side of the story” or “I’m going to make them feel bad because maybe they are still reading this here blog” post. Yes, it is my story but I don’t know, and probably never will know, the other side of the story and if anyone feels bad, it’s not my intention.

It was a shitty situation and this is just what happened, how I dealt with it and what I learned from it. The first thing my dad said to me when I called him with the news was “the first time is the hardest.” The first time?!? People are getting laid off left and right lately, maybe it will happen to you or a friend, maybe it already has. I’m simply sharing my story for the same reason Working Girl Two and I share all of our stories: So other Working Girls can hopefully learn something from our experience or just to know that someone else went through it too. So, here it goes.

About a month or so before I was let go, I started looking for a new job. I knew it was my time to move on. I’d been with the company for more than three years, started as a sales assistant and quickly worked up the ranks to a manager. I knew I’d grown as much as I could there. I also felt that my boss was treating me differently and something was up, but I brushed it off as just usual office stress.

But I knew, or my gut did. When my vacation request for the holidays wasn’t approved in a timely manner, I knew something was up. I joked to Promo Girl (remember her?), who had recently left the company, that my boss wasn’t approving my request because I wouldn’t be here for the holidays.

The weekend before I was let go, at a friend’s wedding, there were some alcohol-induced tears as I told my boyfriend that I was convinced I was getting fired. “No, no,” everyone told me. “They love you, they’d never let you go,” they said.

That day started like most of the others leading up to it. A coworker, who is also a good friend, and I were headed to a meeting about an upcoming event. I went into my boss’s office to let her know that I was heading out the meeting. I was expecting the usual “OK, see you later” but instead I got a seemingly frantic “when are you coming back?” I told her and headed out with my coworker who immediately said “that was weird.” It was weird. My response, I’m not even making this up, was, verbatim, “she probably wants to know what I’m getting back because she’s going to fire me this afternoon.”

That afternoon, HR called just as the same coworker popped over to my desk. They asked if I could come down to meet with them. I hung up the phone and told my coworker who called. I’ll never forget the look of shock on her face.

I headed to HR. My boss was there, with the HR rep, and the rest is a bit of a blur. My position was being eliminated because of lack of upcoming events (wasn’t I just at a meeting about an upcoming event?), they were sorry, if I need anything they are there for me. I started crying immediately even though I swore I wouldn’t during my elevator ride to HR. My boss left and the HR rep went over my severance package, next steps, etc. all while handing me tissues.

After going over all of the details, she led me to a conference room where I could make any phone calls I needed and pull myself together. I called my boyfriend. Then I called Promo Girl. She told me to do two things. First, ask HR if I could leave and come back at the very end of the day to pack my things and have them call one of my coworkers and ask her to bring down my purse, ID, phone, etc. Second, go get a USB device so I can pull anything I need from my computer. Not in the take everything you can kind of way, in the you’re going to be apply for jobs and need examples of work kind of way. This second piece of advice I forgot to follow and wish I hadn’t. As easy as it was get materials that I needed from my old coworkers, I would have been nice not to have to bug them I was frantically looking for something that I needed for a job application or follow-up.

I did follow the first piece of advice. My coworker brought me my things, comforted me as best she could, offered to stay late to be there while I packed my things. I went to Central Park to call my mom and my dad. I barely remember the conversations just that I was the crazy girl hysterically crying in the park. After finally killing enough time, two hours that felt like ten, I headed back to the building. A few people in my department were still there but my coworker who brought me my purse told them to leave me alone (some didn’t listen, wasn’t too thrilled about that). I did my final expense report because, fun fact, if your expenses aren’t up to date, you don’t get your severance, and packed up my things, mostly shoes (so many shoes!).

I’d gone from crazy girl crying in the park to bag lady on 8th Avenue searching for a cab. There was NO way I was getting on the subway. After 15 minutes of cab searching, I finally found one and began my trip home. When I was finally sitting in the comfort of a cab (for the record, this is the only time I’ve ever found a cab comforting), I realized I had a pounding migraine and couldn’t wait to get home and feel sorry for myself. What should have been a 10-minute ride turned in a 45-minute ride, thanks President Obama for being in town that day, it was awesome. I deleted my work email from phone. One would think that that would somehow happen automatically happen when one is let go.

When I got home, I wallowed. I needed to wallow and just get it all out. The next day, a Friday, was weird. I didn’t have to wake up early. I didn’t have anywhere to be. I stayed at home, took a mental health day, if you will, before letting myself worry about money or job searching.

It might be cheesy, but I believe everything happens for a reason. I was ready to leave my job and I did, it just wasn’t on my terms. And I needed a push. I’d been on two job interviews before I was let go and I came back from both feeling that maybe I wasn’t totally ready to leave. I’m still not completely over what happened, but it doesn’t upset me the way it did six months ago. Writing this post, I got a little shaky and a pit in my stomach reliving the emotions.

Remember that episode of Sex and the City when Charlotte tells the girls that it takes half the time you were in a relationship with someone to get over them? That’s how I feel about getting over being let go. I’m still working through it. I no longer think about it daily and I no longer worry “will I ever get over it?” I know I will. It just takes time.